The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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