he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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