This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
