It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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