So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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