so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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