ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Even my vagina gasped.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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