I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
