Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
