i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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