She said her name was "party"
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
