I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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