Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no, he came in my armpit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
