Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
