YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
