I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
