i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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