____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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