Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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