The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
