He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
