Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
