I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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