As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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