I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
