There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
