Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
