I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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