Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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