I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I CAN MOONWALK!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
