she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
