I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
