ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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