btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
