Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
