The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
