im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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