About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
