DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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