I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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