Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
