How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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