sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
