They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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