Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
