You just made me feel so damn special
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
