Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
