after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
