Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
