It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize