Already got asked if we're dating
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
