found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
