I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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