Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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