Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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