Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize