Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
