I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
