I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
