She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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