If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
