Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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