YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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