yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
