Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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