I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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