Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
