is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
