someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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