I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
