I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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