im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
