She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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