I will die if light touches me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
