R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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