I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
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Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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