I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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