i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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